Кто же из этих двух охотников был большим героем?
Can you pay me a hundred dollars?
An elderly ex-soldier is showing his leg to a well-known Chicago-surgeon. Patient: I have acute pain in my knee. What is to be done? Surgeon (after examining the leg): Can you pay me a hundred dollars if I find an operation necessary? Patient: Will you find an operation necessary if I cannot pay you the hundred dollars? Surgeon: There is a very good surgeon round the corner. Better consult him.
Можете заплатить мне сто долларов?
Пожилой бывший фронтовик показывает свою ногу известному в Чикаго хирургу. Пациент: У меня сильнейшие боли в колене. Как тут быть? Хирург (после осмотра): В состоянии ли вы уплатить мне сто долларов, если я найду операцию необходимой? Пациент: Найдете ли вы операцию необходимой, если я не в состоянии уплатить вам эти сто долларов? Хирург: Здесь за углом живет очень хороший хирург. Лучше обратитесь к нему.
The tree is to blame
Taking a walk in a park a colonel "of a rather gloomy disposition saw a lieutenant of his regiment in civilian clothes with a young lady. Having noticed the colonel from a distance, the lieutenant hid himself behind a tree. The next day the colonel asked: — Why did I see you yesterday evening in the park in civilian clothes? — Because the tree was not thick enough, Sir, — answered the lieutenant.
Дерево виновато
Прогуливаясь в парке, один суровый полковник увидел лейтенанта своего полка в гражданской одежде с молодой особой. Издали заметив полковника, лейтенант спрятался за дерево. На следующий день полковник спрашивает: — Почему я видел вас вчера вечером в парке в штатском? — Потому, что дерево было недостаточно толстым, сэр, — ответил лейтенант.
Не правда ли, ответ лейтенанта был остроумным и смелым?
A disrespectful calf
County Westmorshire. England. A young farmer Wilkie is pulling a big calf on a string. The calf is resisting, kicking, jibbing, not in the least obeying the fellow. The elderly landlord, very haughty and arrogant, exclaims, passing by: — What are you doing, Wilkie, not greeting me? Not taking of your cap? I'm still master here, am I not? — Most certainly, Sir, your Honour, be so kind as to hold my calf for a moment, then I'll pay my respect to you, depend on me, Sir!
Непочтительный бычок
Графство Уэстморшир. Англия. Молодой фермер Уилки тянет на веревке бычка. Бычок сопротивляется, брыкается, упирается, никак не слушается. Местный пожилой помещик, очень важный и надменный, проходя мимо, восклицает: — Ты что же, Уилки, мне не кланяешься, шапки не снимаешь? Я пока еще хозяин здесь как будто, не так ли? — Конечно, Ваша честь! Сэр, будьте любезны, подержите минутку моего бычка, и я отвешу вам поклон, как полагается, поверьте мне, сэр!
Не так-то легко вести бычка на веревочке! Нельзя не оценить остроумие и находчивость Уилки.
«Perpetuum-beanele»
"What's the matter with you, darling? — Lily asked her husband. - Monday you liked beans, Tuesday you liked beans, Wednesday you liked beans, Thursday all of a sudden you don't like beans".
«Перпетуум-бобиле»
«Что с тобой случилось, дорогой мой? — спрашивает Лили мужа. — В понедельник ты ел бобы с удовольствием, во вторник и в среду — тоже, а вдруг в четверг ты бобов не хочешь».
Молодым хозяйкам следует помнить французскую поговорку о том, что путь к сердцу мужа лежит через кухню.
It came to him gradually
Boston. A chauffeur crushed his truck against a stone wall and the truck was broken to smithereens. He calls up his boss and says: "Guess, boss, what happened to me and to the truck?… No… no… guess again…"
Постепенно до него дошло
Бостон. Шофер врезался грузовиком в каменную стену и разбил его вдребезги. Он звонит хозяину по телефону и говорит: «Угадайте, хозяин, что случилось со мной и с грузовиком… Нет… нет… нет… угадывайте дальше…»
Как вы думаете, догадался ли о происшедшем хозяин? Мы думаем, что ему представилась такая картина, какую мы здесь видим.
James, control yourself!
A howling baby sat in his pram while his father pushed him along. "Now, James, control yourself, — the father said in quiet tones. - Keep calm".A woman who had been watching said: "I congratulate you, young man. You know just how to speak to babies, calmly and gently. So much better than shouting at them". Then, leaning over, she said to the baby: "So, you are James?" "No, — corrected the father. - His name is Peter. I'm James".
Джемс, держи себя в руках!
Малыш ревел вовсю, сидя в коляске, которую толкал перед собой его отец. «Джемс, держи себя в руках, — спокойно повторял отец. — Не выходи из себя». Какая-то женщина, наблюдавшая за ними, сказала: «Поздравляю вас, молодой человек. Вы знаете, как говорить с младенцами, спокойно и ласково. Гораздо лучше, чем кричать на них». Затем она склонилась над коляской. «Значит ты Джемс?» «Нет, — поправил ее отец малыша. — Он Питер. Это я Джемс».
Кто же, по-вашему, терпеливее, малыш Питер или папаша Джемс?
Переводы комментариев и вопросов к английскому юмору
I wonder if the game-warden knew he was speaking to Mark Twain.
Did the game-keeper appreciate M. Twain's wit?
Of course the lion was right but where did one see a lion-sculptor?
When and where did Mozart live?
Do you know that at the age of three he already played the piano well, and at six he gave concerts. During his short life- he died at the age of 35 — he created some beautiful operas, many different piano pieces and about 50 symphonies.
Here you see how bad it is to travel in a country not knowing its language.
A waiter in a small Spanish restaurant did not know English. It turned out that he was a passionate lover of bull-fight.
The Americans were lucky — finally they received their milk and sandwiches and were at an exciting bull-fight.
Do you think Michael went on to be on friendly terms with his uncle?
Did the lady understand what blunder she had made?
Let us hope that the assistant did not mean to offend the young man.
Do you think the women stopped gossiping after the young man's remark?
The women ought to apologize to the young man if they understood their blunder!
His widow evidently believed in after-life.
We wonder what would the husband have written on her grave.
Where did the incident take- place?
What kind of a day was it?
What were the children on the beach doing?
What did the sailor do?
What were the mother's words of gratitude?
Постепенно до него дошло
There is an old saying that babies usually are blabbing out the truth.
The guest did not suspect that such a good dinner was served here
for the first time.
Evidently little Peggy was punished for unnecessary sincerity.
Why did the jeweller vgive George his piece of advice?
Will this young man take the jeweller's warning, and why?
How did grandfather take Tommy's question?
One cannot but appreciate Wilkie's wit and cleverness.
It's not so easy to pull a big calf on a string.
You can see at once that the doctor is an inveterate smoker.
It didn't occur to him to ask whether his patient smoked.
Evidently this trip to the seaside was rather unfortunate.
After having got a second set of teeth, he probably preferred to pass his vacation in the mountains.
You can't imagine the study of Jolyon Forsyte without such a clock, can you?
Isn't it better to invite a watch-maker home in case this clock needs to be repaired?
They say that this happened in Texas.
A rider with a packet stopped at the post office.
Did the conrgessman agree to hold the rider's horse?
I wonder what kind of a society was gathered there — millionaires, businessmen or simply gangsters?
How did the guests react to the ambiguous address of the host?
Weren't the ladies offended?
What a pity the runner didn't write his name on the paper! The lieutenant's answer was witty and bold, wasn't it? Do you-know that the well-known writer Jack London began his career as a newspaper-boy?
Can one hammer a nail following this advice?
How to explain why Willy made a proposal of marriage to Nora on the telephone?
Was he afraid of her refusal?
And how did he like her consent?
Which one of the two hunters was the greater hero?
And what is to be done with the books by Mark Twain himself which don't pertain to any of these categories?
Mark Twain is the writer's pen-name. Do you know his real name?
Can you name some of M. Twain's books?
What did this young man buy for himself?
What did he find when he got home and put the trousers on?
What did he decide to do?
What were his mother and sisters doing when he came downstairs?
What did the young man's mother do when the dinner and the washing up were finished?
Where did the younger sister go?
When did the younger sister remember what her brother-had said? What did she do?
Isn't it fortunate that fashion permits men to wear shorts? Do you think Mark Twain received the two dollars from the President?
Why did Mark Twain take the chop for a crack in the plate?
Who is the chief character of this story; is it the African chief or the multitude of London clerks running to their offices in such a frightening way?
What caught the visitor's attention at the station?
What did the passengers who rushed out of the train carry?
What did the elderly African chief take the umbrellas for?
What was he afraid of?
Can one believe all the "tall stories" told by some travellers?
Is it worth while to cross the ocean in order to have a talk with caretakers of the museums in England?
Young housewives should remember a French saying that the way to the husband's heart lies through the kitchen. Do you think the guest enjoyed the supper?
Money, a dictionary and a pointing forefinger are not sufficient for the contact in a strange country, are they?
Do you think the boss guessed what happened to the truck?
We think his imagination drew him the picture we see here.
Who of the two was more patient — baby Peter or father James?
У английского языка есть шумный, веселый, невоспитанный, зато остроумный братишка — это сленг. Не то, что по-русски именуется просторечием, и не жаргон, свойственный некоторым слоям общества, и не диалектная речь, хотя и в русском языке есть ходовые модные словечки того же порядка, что и сленг. Эти словечки появляются в языке, широко распространяются и бытуют некоторое время, а затем исчезают, уступая место новым, вместе с новой модой и новыми веяниями.
Сленг древен, как мир. Это отмечает крупный языковед, специалист в области сленга и составитель словаря сленга Эрик Партридж. «Сленг» был и в греческом и в латинском языках — ведь люди всегда оставались людьми, они всегда стремились оживить речь, расцветить ее образными словечками и фразами, переиначивая на свой лад непонятные «ученые» и официальные слова. И во всех языках можно отметить эту тенденцию в живой речи.
Но английский сленг своеобразен и неповторим. Он рождался и рождается в недрах самого английского языка, в разных социальных сферах и возрастных группах как стремление к краткости, выразительности, иногда как протест против приевшегося или длинного слова, как желание по-своему окрестить предмет или его свойства. В молодежных же кругах, где сленготворчество особенно распространено, кроме всего прочего явно выражено стремление обособиться от мира взрослых, «зашифровать» свой язык, а также желание просто взбаламутить зеркальную гладь респектабельного английского языка — Queen's English.
