ce.
_________________________
Members filed in for the penultimate meeting with
contrasting feelings: some felt sorrow about the looming
end of the group, some thought about personal work they
had left undone, some scanned Julius`s face as though to
imprint it in their minds, and all were enormously curious
about Pam`s response to Philip`s revelations of the previous
meeting.
But Pam did not offer satisfaction; instead she
extracted a sheet of paper from her purse, slowly unfolded
it, and read aloud:
A carpenter does not come up to me and say, «listen to
me discourse about the art of carpentry.» Instead he
makes a contract for a house and builds it.... Do the
same thing yourself: eat like a man; drink like a man....
get married, have children, take part in civic life, learn
how to put up with insults, and tolerate other people.
Then, turning to Philip, she said, «Written by...guess
who?»
Philip shrugged.
«Your man, Epictetus. That`s why I bring it here. I
know you revere him—you brought Julius one of his
fables. Why am I quoting him? I`m merely speaking to the
point raised by Tony and Stuart and others last week that
you`ve never been вЂin life.` I believe that you selectively
pick and choose various passages from philosophers to
support your position and—”
Gill interrupted, «Pam, this is our next–to–last
meeting. If this is another one of your get–Philip tirades, I
don`t personally feel I`ve got time for it. Do what you tell
me to do. Get real and talk about your feelings. You must
have had strong reactions to what Philip said about you last
meeting.»
«No, no, hear me out,” Pam said quickly. «This is not
вЂget–Philip` stuff. My motivations are different. The iron is
cooling. I`m trying to say something helpful to Philip. I
think he`s compounded his life avoidance by selectively
gathering support from philosophy. He draws from
Epictetus when he needs him and overlooks the same
Epictetus when he doesn`t.»
«That`s a great point, Pam,” said Rebecca. «You`re
putting your finger on something important. You know, I
bought a copy of a little paperback called theWisdom of
Schopenhauer at a used–book store and have been
skimming it the last couple of nights. It`s all over the place:
some of it`s fabulous and some outrageous. There`s a
passage I read yesterday that floored me. He says that if we
go into any cemetery, knock on the tombstones, and ask the
spirits dwelling there if they`d like to live again, every one
of them would emphatically refuse.» She turned to Philip.
«You believe this?» Without waiting for him to respond,
Rebecca continued, «Well, I don`t. He`s not speaking for
me. I`d like to check it out. Could we get a vote here?»
«I`d choose to live again. Life`s a bitch, but it`s a
kick too,” said Tony. A chorus of «me too» spread around
the group. «I hesitate for one reason,” explained Julius.
«The idea of once again bearing the pain of my wife`s
death; but, even so, I`d say yes. I love being alive.» Only
Philip held silent.
«Sorry,” he said, «but I agree with Schopenhauer.
Life is suffering from start to finish. It would have been
better if life, all life, had never been.»
«Better not have beenfor whom ?» asked Pam. «For
Schopenhauer, you mean? Apparently not for the folks in
this room.»
«Schopenhauer is hardly alone in his position.
Consider the millions of Buddhists. Remember that the first
of the Buddha`s four noble truths is that life is suffering.»
«Is that a serious answer, Philip? What`s happened to
you? When I was a student you lectured brilliantly on
modes of philosophical argument. What kind of argument
is this? Truth by proclamation? Truth by appeal to
authority? That`s the way of religion, and yet surely you
follow Schopenhauer in his atheism. And has it occurred to
you that Schopenhauer was chronically depressed and that
the Buddha lived in a place and at a time when human
suffering—pestilence, starvation—was rampant and that,
indeed, life then was unmitigated suffering for most? Has it
occurred—”
«What kind of philosophic argument isthat ?»
retorted Philip. «Every half–way literate sophomore student
knows the difference between genesis and validity.»
«Wait, wait,” interjected Julius. «Let`s pause for a
minute and check in.» He scanned the group. «How are the
rest of you guys feeling about the last few minutes?»
«Good stuff,” said Tony. «They were really duking it
out. But with padded gloves.»
«Right, better than silent glares and hidden daggers,”
said Gill.
«Yeah, I liked it a lot better,” agreed Bonnie. «Sparks
were flying between Pam and Philip but cooler sparks.»
«Me, too,” said Stuart, «until the last couple of
minutes.»
«Stuart,” said Julius, «in your first meeting here you
said your wife accused you of talking in telegrams.»
«Yep, you`re stingy today. A few more words won`t
cost you any more,” said Bonnie.
«Right. Maybe I`m regressing because...you know,
this being the next–to–last meeting. Can`t be sure—I don`t
feel sad; as usual I have to infer my feelings. Here`s
something I do know, Julius. I love your taking care of me,
calling on me, staying on my case. How`s that?»
«That`s great, and I`ll keep doing it. You said you
liked Pam and Philip talking вЂuntil the last couple of
minutes.` So, what about those last minutes?»
«At first it felt good–natured—more like a family
squabble. But that last comment by Philip—that had a nasty
edge to it. I mean the comment starting with» Every
halfway literate sophomore student. «I didn`t like that,
Philip. It was a put–down. If you said that to me, I`d have
felt insulted. And threatened—I`m not even sure what
philosophical arguement means.»
«I agree with Stuart, «said Rebecca. «Tell me, Philip,
whatwere you feeling? Did you want to insult Pam?»
«Insult her? No, not at all. That was the last thing I
wanted to do,” responded Philip. «I
felt...uh...upliftedorreleased —not sure of the right
word—by her saying the iron was no longer red–hot. Let`s
see, what else? I knew that one of her motives in bringing
in the quote by Epictetus was to trap and confound me.
That was obvious. But I kept in mind what Julius said to
me when I brought in that fable for him—that he was
pleased by the effort and the caring behind the act.»
«So,” said Tony, «let me pull a Julius. Here`s what I
hear: you intended one thing but your words resulted in
another thing entirely.»
Philip looked quizzical.
«I mean,” said Tony, «you said that insulting Pam
was the last thing in the world you wanted to do. Yet that
was exactly what you did, wasn`t it?»
Philip, reluctantly, nodded agreement.
«So,” Tony continued, sounding like a triumphant
attorney in cross–examination, «you need to get your
intentions and your behavior on the same page. You need
to get themcongruent —do I have the word right?» Tony
looked at Julius who nodded his head. «Andthat`s why you
should be in therapy. Congruence is what therapy is all
about.»
«Well argued,” said Philip. «I have no
counterargument. You`re right. That is why I need
therapy.»
«What?» Tony could not believe his ears. He glanced
at Julius, who gave him an «atta boy» nod.
«Catch me, I`m going to faint,” said Rebecca who
slumped back in her chair.
«Me, too,” echoed Bonnie and Gill, slumping back as
well.
Philip looked around at the sight of half the group in
mock unconsciousness and, for the first time since entering
the group, grinned.
Philip ended the group levity by returning to the
issue of his personal approach to counseling. «Rebecca`s
discussion of Schopenhauer`s tombstone comment implies
that my approach or any approach based on his point of
view is invalid. Lest you forget, I struggled for years with a
serious affliction which Julius failed to cure, and I was only
healed by patterning my path upon Schopenhauer`s.»
Julius instantly supported Philip. «I don`t deny
you`ve done good work. Most therapists today would say
it`s not possible to overcome a severe sex addiction on your
own. Contemporary treatment involves long–term work—I
mean many years—in a structured recovery program
consisting of individual therapy and groups meeting
multiple times a week often along twelve–step principles.
But no such recovery program existed back then, and,
frankly, I doubt whether you would have found it
compatible.
«So,” Julius continued, «I want to go on record as
saying that your feat is remarkable: the techniques by
which you controlled your runaway drives worked—better
than anything I offered, even though I gave it my best
shot.»
«I`ve never thought otherwise,” said Philip.
«But, here`s a question, Philip, is there a possibility
your methods are now superannuated?»
«Super...what?» asked Tony.
«Superannuated,” whispered Philip, who was sitting
next to Tony—super (Latin forbeyond ) plus annus
(years)—in other words,outmoded, obsolete. ”
Tony nodded thanks.
«The other day,” Julius continued, «when I was
wondering how to bring this home to you, an image came
to mind. Imagine an ancient city that built a high wall to
protect it from the wild torrents of an adjacent river.
Centuries later, though the river had long dried up, the city
still invested considerable resources in maintaining that
wall.»
«You mean,” said Tony, «continuing to use some
solution even when the problem had gone away—like
wearing a bandage long after the cut had healed.»
«Precisely,” said Julius. «Maybe the bandage is a
better metaphor—right to the point.»
«I don`t agree,” Philip addressed both Julius and
Tony, «that my wound is healed or that containment is no
longer necessary. For proof one need only look at my
extreme discomfort levels in this group.»
«That`s not a good measure,” said Julius. «You`ve
had little experience with intimacy, with expressing
feelings directly, with getting feedback and disclosing
yourself. This is new for you; you`ve been in seclusion for
years, and I toss you into this high–powered group.Of
course that`s going to feel uncomfortable. But what I`m
really referring to is the overt problem, the sexual
compulsion—and perhaps that`s gone. You`re older, been
through a lot, maybe you`ve entered the land of gonadal
tranquillity. Nice place, good sunny climate. I`ve dwelled
there comfortably for many years.»
«I would say,” Tony added, «that Schopenhauer has
cured you, but now you need to be saved from the
Schopenhauer cure.»
Philip opened his mouth to respond but then closed it
and pondered Tony`s statement.
«Another thing,” Julius added, «when you think
about your stress in the group, don`t forget the heavy–duty
pain and guilt you`ve faced here as a result of a chance
encounter with a person from your past.»
«I`ve heard nothing about guilt from Philip,” said
Pam.
Philip responded instantly, facing Pam. «If I had
knownthen what I knownow about the years of pain you`ve
suffered,I would never have done what I did. As I said
before, you were unlucky to have crossed my path. The
person I was then did not think of consequences. Automatic
pilot—that person was on automatic pilot.»
Pam nodded and caught his glance. Philip held it for
a moment and then turned his attention back to Julius. «I
grasp your point about the magnitude of the interpersonal
stress in this group, but I insist that is only part of the
picture. And it is here that our basic orientations are at
odds. I agree there is stress in relationships with other
beings. And possibly reward as well—I`ll grant you that
last point though I myself have never known it.
Nonetheless, I`m convinced that in the very state of
existing there is tragedy and suffering. Permit me to cite
Schopenhauer for only two minutes.»
Without waiting for a response, Philip, staring
upward, began reciting:
In the first place a man never is happy but spends his
whole life in striving after something which he thinks
will make him so; he seldom attains his goal and, when
he does it is only to be disappointed: he is mostly
shipwrecked in the end, and comes into harbor with
masts and riggings gone. And then it is all one whether
he has been happy or miserable; for his life was never
anything more than a present moment, always
vanishing; and now it is over.
After a long silence Rebecca said, «That sends
shivers up my back.»
«I know what you mean,” said Bonnie.
«I know I`m sounding like an uptight English
professor,” said Pam, addressing the entire group, «but I
urge you, don`t be misled by rhetoric. That quote adds
nothing of substance to what Philip has been saying all
along; it only says it more persuasively. Schopenhauer was
a brilliant stylist and wrote the best prose of any
philosopher. Except for Nietzsche, of course—no one
wrote better than Nietzsche.»
«Philip, I want to respond to your comment about
our basic orientations,” said Julius. «I don`t believe we`re
as far apart as you think. I don`t disagree with much that
you and Schopenhauer have said about the tragedy of the
human condition. Where you go east and I go west is when
we turn to the question ofwhat to do about it. How shall we
live? How to face our mortality? How to live with the
knowledge that we are simply life–forms, thrown into an
indifferent universe, with no preordained purpose?
«As you know,” Julius continued, «though I`m more
interested in philosophy than most therapists, I`m no
expert. Yet, I`m aware of other bold thinkers who have not
flinched from these raw facts of life and who have arrived
at entirely different solutions than Schopenhauer. I`m
thinking particularly of Camus, Sartre, and Nietzsche, who
all advocate life engagement rather than Schopenhauer`s
pessimistic resignation. The one I know best is Nietzsche.
You know, when I first received my diagnosis and was in a
state of panic, I openedThus Spoke Zarathustra and was
both calmed and inspired—especially by his life–celebratory comment that we should live life in such a
manner that we`d say yes if we were offered the
