ignoring me?
I was about to give up when I heard the groan of a door
being pushed open. David appeared, carrying a navy-blue laundry
bag Santa style, sweaty and apologizing. “I had stuff in the dryer,”
he said, leading me down the hall to his house counselor’s
apartment. “And I realized that if I got it now, I could have you
bring Celeste her clothes. Took longer than I thought. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry,” I said, not mad, just relieved.
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Prescott has none of the hominess of Frost House, and none
of the stateliness of the larger brick dorms. Walking with David to
his room after getting parietals, I cringed at the cinder-block
walls, the fluorescent lighting, and the nubby brownish-orange
carpeting spread everywhere like a fungus.
“Home, sweet home,” David said, pushing open the door to a
second-floor single.
I guess I’d expected his aesthetic to be more like Celeste’s;
the lack of decoration in his room surprised me. His comforter
was plain black, his sheets and pillowcase light gray with white
stripes. He’d hung nothing on the beige walls except a bulletin
board, and the fungus carpeting had spread in here, too. Built-in
plywood furniture gave the room even more of an institutional
feel.
I’d have had no idea David even lived here if it weren’t for
the photos on the bulletin board: the same snapshot Celeste had
of the two of them on the beach with their father, and one of
David wrestling on a lawn with three young boys. There was also
a large one of a smiling, long-faced woman hugging an enormous
black dog. Otherwise the board was covered with notebook paper
with ungainly mathematical equations using symbols I’d never
even seen before.
I handed David the cupcake and a paper napkin, and didn’t
say what I was thinking—that I’d kill myself if I had to live in a
room like this.
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“Thanks a lot,” he said. “Make yourself comfortable.” He sat
on the bed and began unwrapping the tinfoil.
I didn’t know where to sit or what to do with myself—David’s
desk chair had a pile of books on it and I wasn’t about to plop
right next to him on the bed.
Then I noticed a cardboard box on the floor with a bunch of
silvery stuff inside. Spoons.
“Hey!” I gestured at the box. “Can I look?”
“Sure,” David said through a bite of cupcake.
I picked it up and rested it on the desk, then began taking the
spoons out and laying them next to each other. They were
satisfyingly weighty, and all had the same handle design—a
loop—but the bowl part was different. There were a few with
different-size holes in the middle, one shaped like a small ladle,
one with an inverted V-rest on the handle. . . . They looked
handcrafted, but not in a bad way—like someone had put care
into them.
“These are so cool,” I said. “Why are they all packed away?”
“You want me to bring them to Commons?” he asked.
“You should have used one at dinner tonight,” I said, smiling.
He finished chewing and wiped his mouth. “Great cake. Your
lasagna, too. I’ll have to reciprocate sometime. I make killer Pad
Thai.”
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“You cook?”
“Last year, when I was home, my mom was working a lot, so I
cooked all our family meals.” He tossed the aluminum foil in the
trash and picked up his laundry bag. “Until my dad stopped eating
anything I’d made, of course.”
Oh, right. I hadn’t thought about that since he’d first told us,
the day we met. Now, knowing how much he cared about his
family, it seemed that much more awful—his father thinking he
was trying to poison him. Something inside me crumpled,
imagining how David must have felt.
“All my paying jobs have been in restaurant kitchens,” he
continued as he dumped the laundry on his bed and began
sorting it into two piles. “Next year, I might just work at this place
in New York where I know the owner, make some money.”
“Are you applying to schools this year? And then deferring?”
I realized that in all our conversations, we’d never talked about
his college plans.
“I don’t think so. It’s . . .” He kept his eyes on the laundry.
“It’s complicated. There’s this professor I want to study with, but
I’m not sure I want to go to school full-time, do all the required
classes, you know. And the stuff with Pembroke won’t help me
getting in.”
“What happened there?” I asked, since he’d brought it up.
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“I plagiarized on a paper,” he said. “Stupid. I’d fallen really
far behind because I was going home all the time. And I’d been
caught before for something else, so I got booted.”
“Something else?”
“Illegal parietals,” he said, completely matter-of-fact, then
looked over at me. “So, what’s the deal with this Whip guy? Has
he been over to the dorm before?”
“Not that I know of.” I turned back to the spoons, trying not
to wonder about the girl he’d gotten busted with. “I assume he’s
just there to work on the project.”
“It was pretty obvious he wasn’t just there to work on the
project.”
David was right, of course. And I understood why he’d been
upset at dinner—he didn’t want his little sister’s sex life shoved in
his face. But, in the end, wasn’t whatever Celeste wanted to do
with Whip her own business?
“Whip’s not such a bad guy,” I said. “Unless it bothers you
that he’s part of the old-boys’ club. I think every male in his family
has gone to Barcroft and then Yale.” One of the spoons had some
sort of dirt on it. I wiped it with my shirt.
“Celeste tends to have really bad judgment when it comes to
guys,” David said.
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“Most of my friends have bad judgment when it comes to
guys. Except for Viv.” I looked over at David and noticed he was
tossing a pair of Celeste’s lacy underwear into her pile of clean
clothes. For a brief second it freaked me out, but what else was
he going to do? Of course, he washed her underwear when he did
her laundry.
“It’s different with Celeste,” David said. “Her decisions
are . . . self-destructive. Look at that guy she picked this summer.”
He shoved the pile of her clothes into a bag and set it on the floor.
“She never listens to me about guys. But maybe . . . maybe you
could say something.”
“About Whip? What would I say?”
“You’re the peer counselor,” he said. “I’m sure you can think
of something.”
“Yeah, but in peer counseling, people come to me,” I said,
feeling a little uncomfortable. “Honestly, I’d feel weird saying
something without having noticed anything bad going on.”
He nodded. “Yeah. I get that.” And then, without
explanation, he grabbed his jacket and keys off the desk and said,
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Go?” Back to Frost House?
He held the door open and herded me with a nod of his
head. I followed him to the far end of the hallway and up two
flights of a dim, concrete staircase until we reached a big metal
153
door with a sign that said EMERGENCY ONLY. ALARM WILL
SOUND on it. Between WILL and SOUND someone had drawn a
line leading to the scrawled word Not. And, sure enough, as David
pushed the door open, no siren blared. He led me out onto the
flat, expansive roof, the sky opening up above us. Dark and starry.
“Wow,” I said, stating the obvious. “It’s beautiful up here.”
He crossed over to a rectangular raised area, about the size
of a small bench, then sat and patted the spot next to him. We
barely fit on it together, so I had to sit with my body pressed
against his. For a few minutes we were both quiet, staring up at
the stars. I felt the crisp night air sneaking around my neck, and
the heat off of David’s body seeping into mine, smelled the mulch
of fall and his spicy scent.
Eventually, he was the one to break the silence. “I thought
going to school with her was going to be great,” he said. “But . . .
in some ways, it was easier to be apart. Because I can’t always
make everything okay for her. And even though I know that, I
can’t help trying.”
“You’re such a good brother,” I said, melting a little at how
vulnerable he sounded. “She’s lucky.”
He gave a brief laugh. “Don’t think she’d agree.”
“She would.”
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“You know . . .” He shifted forward, leaning his elbows on his
knees, and turned his face toward me. “I’ve been feeling kind of
bad about something.”
“What?”
“The other week, I didn’t mean to say your parents aren’t
good parents, or anything like that. I think I was, well, being kind
of protective of you.”
“Oh,” I said, remembering that he had sounded judgmental
about them. “That’s okay.”
“No it’s not. I’m not your brother.”
“I wish you were,” I said.
“You do?” He didn’t attempt to hide the surprise in his voice.
“Growing up I was always happy it was just me and my
parents,” I explained. “But maybe the divorce wouldn’t have felt
so much like a total . . . destruction of the family if I had siblings.”
“Oh,” he said and, then after a pause, added, “but you don’t
really want me as a brother, right? Because, no offense, I don’t
really want you as a sister.”
His words sent a rush of warmth through my veins. I stared
down at my feet and smiled. “No, I guess not.”
“You guess not?” He nudged me.
155
“Well, it’d be kind of like having a bodyguard,” I said.
“Someone to save me from men in whale pants.”
“Oh, God,” David said in an amused voice. “If it makes you
feel any better, she’s just as harsh about my choices.”
I reached down and scratched one of my calves, and made
myself ask the question I wasn’t sure I wanted answered. “Did
you, um, did you have a girlfriend at Pembroke? The one you got
busted with?”
“Not really.”
“Not really?”
“I never had a girlfriend so much as, well . . . friends who
were girls.” He gave an exaggerated cough.
“Oh. Why? Were you making self-destructive decisions?” I
said, ignoring the queasy sensation in my stomach. Of course a
guy as good-looking as him was a player.
David laughed. “Maybe. I didn’t give it too much thought at
the time. Just did what I wanted to do.”
I could imagine Jake or Theo saying the same thing about
how they’d treated me, and was considering asking David
whether the girls had appreciated his selfishness when he said, “I
wouldn’t be that way now, though,” in a new, more serious tone
of voice.
“Oh?” I said.
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“Definitely not.” He sounded so sure.
“That’s . . . that’s cool.”
“What about you?” he said.
“What about me?”
“Where do you stand with the whole boyfriend thing?” Was I
imagining it, or had he somehow found a way to press even closer
to me? Having a conversation when I was near enough to share
his breath was kind of difficult. The distraction of the pulsing and
fluttering in my body . . .
I adjusted my glasses, swallowed. “I went out with a couple
different guys, freshman and sophomore year. Now, this
semester at least, I kind of don’t want to deal. I have so much else
to think about. I know that sounds lame, but . . .”
“So, that’s it? You’re just . . . not interested?”
Wait, did he mean in general, or in him?
“I . . .” Breathe normally. Speak normally. “This fall, I’ve put a
moratorium on dating. I’m so stressed-out about colleges, and
keeping my grades up, and everything. I’m going to reassess after
break.”
“A moratorium?” he said.
“Yeah.” I nodded, feeling like an idiot.
157
“That’s too bad,” he said. Or, at least, that’s what I thought
he said, but my blood was rushing so loudly in my ears I wasn’t
quite sure. If it is what he said, why was it too bad? Because of
him? Because it meant we couldn’t be together?
“So do you really think Celeste and I should go to New York
with you guys?” he said, interrupting my spontaneous
combustion. “What if she and Abby end up killing each other?”
Given my own fear about the dynamics on the trip, I was
surprised by my immediate response. “You should definitely
come,” I said. “You can ride down with me. It’d be much more
comfortable for Celeste than the bus.”
“I’ve seen your car,” he said. “Can it make it to New York?”
“Didn’t you hear Viv?” I said. “I can tie a cherry stem in a
knot with my tongue and fix my car.”
“Simultaneously?” he asked.
I laughed, then checked the time on my phone and
immediately jumped to my feet. “I didn’t realize how late it was. I
have to go.”
After stopping back by his room to pick up Celeste’s laundry,
David walked me downstairs to the front entrance of the dorm. A
group of senior guys were playing Nerf basketball in the common
room.
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“Hey, Leena,” Matt Halpern said. “Pretty late for parietals,
isn’t it?”
“She came earlier, dude, so now she’s going,” one of the
other guys said. They snorted and jostled one another. I couldn’t
look at David’s face.
“Thanks again for the cake,” he said as he opened the door.
He was positioned so I had to pass just inches from him to get
out. I didn’t want to go outside, but those stupid guys could see
us standing there.
“Leena?” he said.
The planes of his face were sharp and strong in the harsh
fluorescent light, but his voice was soft. “Yeah?”
“I understand it’s an awkward situation, but if you can think
of anything to say to Celeste, about that guy, I’d really appreciate
