guy…
Olga. Not at all, Stalver! I really admire you.
Golyshkin. Really? Listen, Olenka…
Olga. What?
Golyshkin. You will never leave the old man who is in love with you won’t you?
Olga. No I won’t, until the death separates us. Or other farce-major circumstances.
Golyshkin. And I swear – you won’t regret that you have devoted your life to me. Do you have a dream? I will fulfill it!
Olga. I used to have a dream.
Golyshkin. You used to have… why?
Olga. It has come true – we are together now!
Vykhuholev. Oh, if so, Olga Alekseevna, you are a deeply unhappy person.
Olga. And why is that?
Vykhuholev. A person is happy only as long as he is striving for his dream. Having reached the goal, he gets disappointed. He realizes that the goal isn’t worthwhile. I am a good example of it.
Myshevsky. It is interesting! What do psychiatrists dream of, wandering in the darkness of other people's souls?
Vykhuholev. I dream of winning a game of chess versus myself.
Myshevsky. But this’s impossible!
Vykhuholev. Therefore, I will never be disappointed. Unlike you, Andrey Sigizmundovich.
Myshevsky. Why is that?
Vykhuholev. Let’s assume that Hermes Trismegistus has revealed his secret to you. And the philosopher's stone is now in your pocket. How are you going to live on? To make more and more gold? But you’ve never been a poor person, even before that.,. And it’s so boring to wither over gold like a miser! No, you were really happy before, but just didn’t realized it.
Myshevsky. You are at your wits end, Sergey Pavlovich! You need to change your job. The sooner, the better.
Vykhuholev. Oh, now you got offended. Everyone gets offended when you tell them the truth. That’s why I prefer to keep silent.
Olga. So, if one day I see the Iguazu Falls, I…
Vykhuholev. You would get disappointed. The real waterfalls would be quite different, much less delightful as the ones in your dreams.
Myshevsky. Shut up, you, a gloomy person, the destroyer of illusions! Don't ruin our holiday, please! Elena Pavlovna, hurry up, please!
Ogranovich. I’ve got everything ready. We have just to sign it.
Myshevsky. Stalver Udarpyatovich, you are the first, please!
Olga. Stalver, go ahead!
Golyshkin. Olya! Won't you leave me?
Olga. Before the Iguazu Falls? Never!
Golyshkin. Then I discard the last doubts and put my signature here.
Golyshkin comes up to the table and signs the documents.
Ogranovich. Right here, Mr. Golyshkin. And here … Mr. Myshevsky, now it’s your turn!
Myshevsky. Sure!
Ogranovich. Now you have just to pay off.
Myshevsky. Stalver Udarpyatovich, will you take the check? In a couple of hours, when the bank opens, you can exchange it for cash. Do you trust me?
Golyshkin. Of course, Mr. Myshevsky. But can I ask you for a favor? Can't you sign out two checks? I have to give half of the total sum to my son and heir, Rodion. So the law says, if not human one, then divine.
Myshevsky. No problem! Here's a check in your name. And here is the one for Rodion Stalverovich Golyshkin. Is that right? Here you are!
Golyshkin. Thank you!
Ogranovich. My congratulations, Andrey Sigizmundovich! Wouldn't it be nice to celebrate a long-awaited deal?
Myshevsky. Champagne! Professor, didn’t you say that you have a bottle of champagne somewhere?
Golyshkin. The best champagne in the world. "Soviet"! Olenka, could you please get the glasses! They are in the cupboard.
Olga. How I love champagne! Its bubbles tickle in the nose so funny!
Ogranovich. I would prefer some cognac … Well, okay! Champagne will also do! Hey, psychiatrist, join us! Or do you drink only alone the same way, as you play chess?
Vykhuholev. I drink like everyone else. Chess is just for my soul.
Myshevsky. Professor, your toast please!
Golyshkin. To you, my friends! To our meeting! To our friendship! Let it be eternal!
Myshevsky. Stalver Udarpyatovich, you are a skilled speaker! Great toast! Olga Alekseevna, would you kiss the professor on our behalf? Nobody will disapprove you.
Everyone drinks champagne.
Olga. Look, it's dawn already! And we didn't notice.
Myshevsky. Professor, I'm sorry, but we have to go. New day, new worries.
Golyshkin. Okay, okay, I understand. And I mustn’t delay you any longer… Olenka! Are you leaving too?
Olga. I need to sleep well and wash up. Just look at me! What a face! How can you love such a woman?
Golyshkin. I don't notice it. You're so beautiful!
Olga. I'll be back tonight. And don’t forget, I've not got used to having dinner at home. We're going to a restaurant!
Golyshkin. And we will discuss everything about our future there, right?
Olga. Of course! Don't forget to cash the check in the afternoon. Actually, you’d better give it to me. It would be safer. We will go to the bank together. I am afraid, they might cheat you. Or you might mix everything up. After all, you are my philosopher! You don’t live in a real world. But I am an earthly woman. Aren’t you afraid of that?
Golyshkin. I am happy of that.
Olga. See you tonight then!
Golyshkin. See you, Olenka! See you, friends! I look forward to seeing you all any day and any time at my home… Oh, sorry, now this is your home, Mr. Myshevsky. When should I leave?
Myshevsky. I'm not rushing you, professor. Is a month enough for you? I think this time is enough to get visa and collect things for a trip. Nothing keeps you in this country any more. From now on you will be a citizen of the world, Stalver Udarpyatovich. How I envy you!
Golyshkin. Really?
Myshevsky. You have my word! Farewell, professor!
Ogranovich. All the best, lucky one!
Vykhuholev. See you soon! I think our next meeting is inevitable.
Golyshkin. Goodbye, friends! Olenka, I don’t say goodbye to you, see you tonight!
Everyone leaves. Golyshkin slowly walks around the apartment, looking into the rooms and turning off the lights. Finally, the lights go out everywhere. In the darkness, the creak of the last door is heard. And a moment later, a piercing scream is heard: “Damn you, Hermes Trismegistus!” And the next moment an old clock starts beating in the hallway. In the darkness it sounds solemn and even terrifying, like the Commander’s footsteps.
